CW spoof
by coffeeoodragon
Summary: Sam and Dean go do a very random hunt in a little town named Mystic Falls.. Very Random.


_**CW SPOOF**_

_**Disclaimer**_

_**The rights of the T.V shows Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, Nikita, Hellcats, Gossip Girl, Smallville, 90210, belongs to CW, , and the rest of the crew. Spiderman belongs to marvel. I don't own any characters in this.**_

_**Summary**_

_**Sam and Dean go for a very random hunt.. VERY RANDOM!**_

_**Authors note**_

_**If you don't like random stuff, Don't read this. PG-13 due to language. Will make second chapter if enough reviews. Oh this takes place a season ago for all T.V shows.**_

Sam and Dean were riding the impala as normal. They heard of a nest of vampires in Mystic Falls, Virginia. Dean's old buddy Alaric Saltzman gave Dean a message on his phone saying.

"Hey this is Alaric. Um I need you to kill some vampires cause…. Ok my girlfriend's niece is dating a vampire… Or two… I guess that's her type or something but its making a bunch of weird shit come to Mystic Falls. I swear I saw a bunch of pixies dancing on a unicorn the other day. So please help… Bye"

Dean having nothing better to do then mourn over his break-up with Castiel or watch Sam have a bipolar break down screaming with himself over ice cream.

"But I like my chocolate!" "But I like my strawberry!" "Please just give me some chocolate ice cream…" "Shut up faggots!" "We have a third personality?" "I don't like him"

That was a weird moment.

When Dean drives up to the town he looks over at Sam. Blood was all over his mouth. "Um Sammy..?.." he said. "Yeah?" Sam asked. "Did you have demon blood?… In my car?.." He paused. "Maybe.." Sam answered.

Dean and Sam decided to ask some of the high school students some questions. Walking right in the high school. "You would think they would lock the doors or something." Sam muttered drinking from a bid red bottle. Dean sighed. "He can at least hide that fact he is drinking blood." Muttered Dean.

"Hey you." Dean said grabbing the first kid he saw. "Do you know anything about vampires?" Asked Sam. The kid hissed at him. Dean had a feeling from all those years of training to be a monster hunter that… That wasn't normal.

The kid became a giant bat and flew away. Sam and Dean kept on asking questions. Everything seemed pretty normal. There was a group of rich kids that kept snickering at Sam. "You're hurting my feelings!" screamed Sam crying. Dean rolled his eyes. The one who had the limo in the school building got out of the car stepped out and punched Sam in the face. He looked down at him and said "I'm Chuck Bass." Then he hopped back into the limo and drove away.

Sam and Dean were quiet for a moment. "Did he just punch me?" asked Sam crying. "Was that Mick Jagger driving?" asked Dean. "I heard you were looking for vampires." A teenage girl said. Presumably a witch. Dean was about to answer when Sam yelled "I heard your ugly!" Sam started giggling. "Did you really get drunk that fast?" muttered Dean to Sam. "From da blood duh!" answered Sam too honestly.

All of a sudden a giant crow swept down and took Sam away. "I know this is how I would die!... A giant beautiful eyed crow. In a high school. After I met Mick Jagger." Screamed Sam. "Sammy nooo!" Dean screamed not running after him.

"I know where they took him… Come on.." The witch said.

The witch's car was just a bunch of brooms tied together. "Classy" Dean mumbled. When the witch stopped at a red light her phone started to ring. When she answered it the car exploded. The phone triggered it. The witch blew up into a million pieces. Dean was saved by his car driving right by him, so it could hop in. "Good car" Dean thought to himself. But now how was Dean going to find his giant pussy brother? He would usually call Castiel at this time, but they broke up. Dean started crying. Dean's new relationship didn't feel the same love. Nikita was a very abusive lady.

Sam was very scared. He hadn't stopped screaming yet. The bat took his human form by now.. Or vampire form. Whatever. He was shirtless for some reason. He had not stopped talking about he's brothers girlfriend. "And she thinks I'm not a good guy! Can you believe her!" he asked.

Sam was silent for a moment. "Do you eat humans?" he asked. "Pff duh!" the drunk vampire said. "Then yeah I believe her." Sam answered. "Whatever giant freak." The vampire snapped. "And you can scream all you want and nobody will ever hear you!" The vampire said. "You got me tied up at Burger King…." Sam said slowly. "Yeah I haven't thought this through." The vampire admitted. "What's your name anyway?" Sam said seeing that the vampire was stupid. "Damon Salvatore… I whine about my brother and father all the time!" Damon said. "Me too!" yelled Sam. "My father use to beat me!" Damon said. "Mine didn't but he made me hunt vampires." Sam announced. "No Way! Me too!" yelled Damon. "My brother is a midget!" they said at the same time. "Cool" they said again. "I hate my brother with a passion for no reason at all." Said Damon. "I hate strangled my brother almost to death just cause I was jealous of his new boyfriend." Said Sam. "Short brothers are stupid!" Damon said. "Tell me about it." Sam sighed. "You know what… I like you… You are free to go." Said Damon. Sam realizing he wasn't tied up in the first got up and left Burger King.

Dean was sitting in a corner mumbling to himself when Sam found him. "Hey." Sam said. Dean screamed like a girl. "Are you okay?" asked Sam. "NO! I was beaten up by a freakishly strong cheerleader named Marti Perkins. She ate my car. Don't ask me how. She just did…. Lost my baby… My car… My impala… It's like Castiel all over again." Dean started mumbling. "Maybe we should leave here." Offered Sam.

"No… We need to murder some vampires... For my baby…" Dean started mumbling again. "I met one of the vampires and he was a nice guy. He took me too Burger King." Sam said quietly. Dean jumped up to the sky like a ninja yelling like a madman and tackled Sam.

"You didn't see what these freaks in this town did to my car! Did you hear me the first time! A cheerleader ate my impala!" Dean yelled loudly. "And do you want to know what happened after that! Well it gets even better!" Dean started to say. Sam stood up. "Dean we don't have time. Bobbie just called and he is coming here." Sam interrupted. "So you don't want to hear about the dragon and Papa Smurf?" asked Dean serious. "What?... Um… Lets just head back to the hotel.. Okay?.." Sam said quickly. "Fine… You realize your hair products was in the car right?" asked Dean getting up. Sam started screaming.

Sam and Dean was waiting in the hotel room for Bobbie. Sam didn't really feel like seeing Bobbie. Sam couldn't stop staring at Bobbie's new hairdo. He grew his hair out so long that it reached the ground. Dean supported it. But it bothered Sam seeing Dean braid it all the time. The disturbing thing was that the hair was beautiful. But now that Bobbie has long hair he dresses different too. He dresses like Hannah Montana. So sparkly and colorful. He ain't even gay, it's just the hair is making him act that way.

Dean heard the doorbell ring. "Come in." answered Dean. The door opened with a overweight man cat walking through the room and stopping with his hand on his waist.

"I heard about Castiel." Said Bobbie flipping back his long beautiful shining brown hair. Dean burst into tears. "Thanks Bobbie." Mumbled Sam. "Just trying to help." Bobbie said. "Dean… Everybody goes through a difficult time. When I was a ten year old boy my mother moved all the time. But I found her every time." Bobbie said. "What about your father?" Sam asked. "Him I could never find." Bobbie admitted.

Dean stopped crying. "I want a bunny." Dean said randomly. "Me too." Said Sam. "Bunnies…" Bobbie said day dreaming about bunnies.

Sam knocked on the Salvatore's door. Dean and amazing haired Bobbie was behind him. A short shirtless teenager opened the door. "Do you know where Damon is?" Sam asked. Dean pulled out a baseball bat. "Put the bat away." Whispered Bobbie. "No." he answered. "Why are you looking for him?" asked the depressed looking fellow. "Cause we are going to kill him." Answered Dean who now has a bunny in his arms instead of a bat. "Okay he's in the back." The teenager said quickly. "Thanks." Said Sam who decided to sneak over there with some awesome theme music. Clark Kent grabbed Dean's arm. Dean let out a terrified girls scream. "It's just me… Superman." Clark said soothingly. "Hey you're from Kansas ain't you?" Sam asked. "Yeah." He answered. "So are we….. Why does bad stuff always happen in Kansas? Superman landing, Dorothy, Sam being born." Dean said. "What are you doing here?" asked Bobbie. "I stopped by when I saw your amazing hair." Answered Clark braiding Bobbie's hair. Bobbie started to hum a song. Dean and Sam decided to leave them and they continued to walk to the back of the house.

They found Damon doing his makeup. Sam sighed. They have so much in common but he has to cut his head off. "Oh hey Sam-o." Damon said. Dean didn't like him calling Sam Sam-o. It was cooler than his nickname Sammy for him.

"You might want to stop holding my vampire bunny." Damon said casually. Dean screamed snapping the bunny's neck then throwing it against the wall.

Sam and Damon started giggling about some girl named Justin Bieber when Dean whispered to Sam reminding him why they came here. "But I like him." Whined Sam. "Does he eat people?" Dean asked annoyed. "I'm trying to convince him to only kill ponies…. They don't deserve to live." Snarled Sam. "But he killed some people Sam….. And ponies are awesome so shut up!" Dean snapped. Sam fell to the ground crying. "But I have a buddy!" Sam yelled making Damon turnaround from doing his make-up. "What are you folks talking about?" Damon asked sharping his teeth. Dean finds a toothpick and cuts the vampires head clean off. "Nooo!" yelled Sam bursting into a new batch of tears. "You'll get over it." Dean said. "You're not over Castiel!" snapped Sam. "Yes I am!... I'm sooo over him… I don't care that he is dating that Naomi Clark chick." Dean snapped at Sam.

"Finally! I hated that guy! He kept hitting on my girlfriend." Stefan yelled. "He was hitting on other people while he was with me? What a jerk! You were right Dean.." Sam screamed crying and sobbing. "Why must you tell my brother these things?" Dean asked. "Sorry man." Stefan said.

Dean and Sam walked out of the house seeing Bobbie still talking to Clark but his hair was all braided now. "Why is Sam crying?" Bobbie asked getting ready to yell at Dean for no apparent reason. "Apparently I killed his crush." Dean said. "My buddy!" snapped Sam. "I'll be your buddy Sam." Clark said. "You will?" asked Sam.

"VAMPIRE BUNNIES!" yelled Dean pointing to the group of bunnies charging after the kids in the 90210 club. Dean and Sam started to scream together. Clark Kent all of a sudden stripped off his normal cloths already having his super hero suit underneath. He flew to the group of vampire bunnies. When he got to the middle he self-exploded. Killing himself and all the vampire bunnies. "NO! My new buddy just died!" Sam screamed again. "Hey did you know if the population of China walked past you, in a single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction?" Stefan asked. Dean punched the shirtless freak in the face. "That's for giving random facts and making the vampire bunnies!" yelled Dean cutting off Stefan's head.

Stefan's head started to float and bite at Dean. Sam screamed. "Vampire head!" yelled Bobby, Dean, and Sam at the same time. "Did you know months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the Thirteenth?" the floating head asked. "NOO! He is giving annoying facts!" screamed Dean. "How do we kill it?" asked Sam. "I don't know!" said Bobby throwing back his hair. "People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain." The fact giving head said. Dean punched it again. The vampire head hissed.

"Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults laugh on average only 15 times a day." The head said hissing each word. "What is wrong with you!" yelled Dean shooting at it. Sam hit at it with a baseball bat. But missed. It floated away quickly. "No! It's getting away!" yelled Sam. "If only Superman was here." Said Bobbie.

Then Dean looked up. Up in the sky. Was that a bird? Was that a plane? No! It's Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris landed on the ground making an earthquake. He looked at the floating head making it burst into flames instantly. And then he was gone. Chuck Bass shot himself right there for having the name of such a great man but will never be even close to a little bit of a great guy he is. "I don't care that I saw Mick Jagger or Superman today. They sucked compared to Chuck Norris." Dean proudly said.

"Did we get all the vampires?" asked Bobbie unbraiding his hair. "No there is one more. A blonde vampire girl I think.." answered Sam. "Should be easy." Remarked Dean.

The high school suddenly burst into flames in front of them. "What happened!" asked Sam. "Do you think the vampires were in there?" asked Bobbie. "Unlikely…The explosion was aftermath of Chuck Norris." Explained Dean. Sam and Bobbie nodded their heads. "Makes sense." Said Bobbie.

"But what if she recognize us?" asked Bobbie. "From where?" asked Sam. "Your right Bobbie we are going to need disguises." Dean said. "Why?" Sam asked again. "Just work with us here Sammy." Dean said… Dean was disguised as Spider-man. Bobbie was disguised as a girl scout. Sam just had a fake moustache.

Dean was up hiding in a tree. Sam was standing by pony-tailed plus bearded Bobbie. "Nobody is going to fall for this." Muttered Sam. The blonde vampire opened the door after Bobbie knocked. "Are you selling cookies?" asked the blonde. "Sure am. Ain't cha gonna buy em?" said Bobbie. "You're an adorable little girl." She said. "Thank ya." Bobbie said. "Who are you?" she asked Sam. "His.. I mean… Her father." Sam lied. "Aww." She said. When Sam's moustache fell off… "I know you! Your Sam Winchester!" she yelled and slammed the door shut. "Dang it Sam! We told you that you needed a better disguise!" Dean yelled from a tree. "How the hell did she know me?" asked Sam loudly. "Just go with the story here Sam." Bobbie muttered.

Dean jumped down from the tree still dressed like Spider-Man. "Well let's get in the house." Dean said smashing a window and crawling in. Bobbie and Sam just opened the front door and walked in.

The blonde vampire had a ninja sword and was swinging it around trying to hit Dean/Spider-Man. But Dean was doing some cool Spider moves dodging the sword. "Leave my brother alone you vampire ninja!" screamed Sam. He's anger finally got to him. All that demon blood finally made him the monster he was supposed to be. Sam Winchester formed into….. A unicorn….

Sam the Unicorn had gospel songs all around him. "Stay away from my brother." Was what Sam meant to say, but it came out "Naaahh". He floated to the sky and kicked the vampire ninja in her face while Spider-Man Dean took the sword and chopped her head off.

When they was back at the hotel. Sam was back in human form. "Well I better get to the house." Said Bobbie with straighten hair. "Thank you for your help Bobbie." Said Dean. "What did he do today?" asked Sam. "I thought of the disguises." Bobbie snapped. "And they were very helpful Bobbie." Said Dean. "Thank you Dean." Said Bobbie looking at Sam. "Well I turned into a Unicorn…" muttered Sam to himself.

There was a knock at the door. "I'll answer it!" said Sam helpfully. What he didn't know was that would change his life. He opened the door. There was a pony standing on two legs. "Hello?" Sam asked. "You have been telling vampires to eat us instead of humans?" asked the pony. "Yeah" answered Sam. The pony shot him.

XOXO GOSSIP GIRL


End file.
